a line in the sand.

To say I need to learn to practice differentiation even more than I do, is an understatement. Differentiation is the ability to know where I end and another starts. It is the line in the sand: one side of the line is my "stuff" and on the other side is your "stuff." Now this "stuff" can be the things we want to hang onto, and other "stuff" may consist of things of which we may want to let go. I am referring to the second kind: the "stuff" I do not want to keep. I frankly have enough of that sort of "stuff" on my side of the line, I am not sure why I'd voluntarily move on the other side of the line and get involved in the "stuff" of others, but dang if I don't do it. The "differentiation project" is to know my own stuff, and not let the line in the sand blur too much or get taken out by high tide. Back to my opening statement...

I need to learn to more effectively how to draw a nice, healthy line in the sand. Sometimes I can do it pretty well, and other times, I realize the tide has washed my line away and I am in the midst of not knowing where to stand, feeling my feet sink deeper and deeper into what resembles the quick sand of relationships.

When does this happen?
~ When a family member comes home, tired and grumpy and I think, "what did I do?"
~When my friend tells me that anyone who believes _X_, is an idiot. Unbeknownst to them, I fall into that category, and so, I am by default, one of those "idiots."
~When my boss tells me in no uncertain terms how inadequate I am.

All of these scenarios are invitations. They invite me to believe I am at fault, an idiot and/or inadequate. Or, they invite me to wonder if there is any credence to the statements. Or, finally, perhaps they invite me to dig a deeper line in the sand and remember that there are grumpy, tired people in the world who are looking for the "inadequate" and "idiots" because identifying those folks help them deal with their own anxiety. And, sometimes I do that too.

Like I said, I need to practice differentiation.