amazing what dialogue can do.

Today I had lunch with a new colleague. We were brainstorming about the project on which we are working. As we waited for our food to come, we got to know one another alittle bit. Prior to this, we had only been in group meetings before, and hadn't gotten to a chance to know each other. As we chatted, we slowly moved into our brainstorming session. We noticed we were able to use the things we talked about early on in the conversation. as segways into our brainstorming. We also found that we were more at ease and more creative in our brainstorming because we had gotten to know each other in a small way.

I have been studying in the area of brain function and relationships. The technical term is "interpersonal neurobiology." It is amazing how our brain functions as we are in healthy relationships. In fact, researchers say that it is IN our relationships, that we have become who we are. We are impacted by the experiences of relationships in which we participate. According to research, it could be that my colleague and I were more at ease, and creative because we are learning to be in meaningful relationships with each other.

Here is my question for the day - imagine the relationships in which you participate. Which relationships have left on you positive, amazing qualities? Are there experiences in relationships that have left you with challenges? What might you find in meaningful relationship with others, than could assist you in the challenges you have encountered in past experiences? Please post your thoughts!

the influence of an icon...

A few days ago an icon passed away, Walter Cronkite. I heard Brian Williams, of NBC make a comment about the impact of Cronkite. He talked about life during the time of Cronkite's reign. He spoke of a special time of "community," saying that it was comforting to know that everyone was listening to the same voice, rather than all of the voices we hear today. This is not a direct quote, it is mainly what I remember him saying. I was taken back by this comment. Really? Hearing one voice is better than hearing many? I found this comment bothersome on a couple of levels.

First of all, the first amendment of the U.S. Constitution states, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." As a news reporter one would think that Williams would understand the necessity of the "many voices."

Secondly, according to the comment, "community" apparently is when we all agree and are listening to the same voice vs the many? Really. If this is true, and we ought to be all listening to the same voice, then which one do we listen to? The easy answer is "God." However looking at the number of denominations and groups who all believe they are hearing "God," and looking at the number of differences that exist, all with people who are "listening to God," one can see that perhaps that answer isn't as easy as we think.

I find that many people believe that community is found when we hang out with people who are like us, people who "agree" with us. However, if those with whom we are in relationship are the ones who help us grow, and we all agree on "everything" where exactly is the growth? How does a community ever exist if all must agree? I believe that community is truly found in our differences. How about you? Do you believe that community (meaningful relationships) occur in our sameness or in our differences?

"Come and play"

This morning I was going through a pile of things that had gathered on the table. I was looking for a bill that was coming due, so decided that while I was looking for it, I might as well toss most of what had gathered in the pile. I found a couple of brochures of a particular mountain resort area we plan to visit. This is what the brochure said:

"With the day's first steaming mug of fresh coffee in hand, you step out onto your deck and survey the endless ridges of mountain peaks rising over mist-filled valleys. The morning breeze dances through the pines and whispers, "Come and Play."

Now the irony of this was that I was sitting on my deck, with a steaming mug of coffee, staring up our of our valley, watching the sunrise. If I am fortunate enough to be home in the morning, this is where I spend my first hours. So, why was I going away to another state to do what I can do here at home? We are getting together with family from another state, so this is the main reason for the trip. However what got me thinking was this: while I do spend my mornings on the deck whenever possible, I rarely accept the invitation to "come and play" unless I leave town to do so. There is work calling around every corner of the property. I promised myself I would play this summer. I have done a little play, but I think I need to intentionally schedule in more - on a regular basis - not just during trips.

Play is good for the soul.

While the cabin brochure seemed to offer many things that we enjoy here (lucky us), there was one thing that the resort offered that I do need to look into...a "courteous and friendly staff." Just how DOES that work?

Sacredness on the golf course

This weekend we attended the PGA Championships. It was a brilliant day: in weather, golf and company. I can see where people find sacred time on a golf course. Birdies, bogeys, eagles and a few plops in the water, at the end of the day we had aching feet and happy spirits to take home as souvenirs.

At an event like this watching people is always a highlight. Golf's siren call beckons the name of all sorts of people and all sorts of people were in attendance. There was a particular group of people who caught my eye: the folks who love celebrity. Now granted, there were golfers who had been playing longer than many of us have been alive. How can you not notice, honor and admire people like Lee Trevino, Arnold Palmer and Chi Chi Rodriguez for what they have given to the game? What I noticed was more than honor or admiration.

I noticed people would stop in their tracks, stand and stare as players walked by. Some would reach out to touch, or give a holler to the player seemingly in order to make some sort of connection. At first, I thought it might be about celebrating the game, through connecting with the player. Later in the day I happened to end up about 5 feet away from one of our past state governors, (who was also a wrestler,) and noticed the same thing was happening to him. Some people took a double take, realizing whom they had just passed and kept on walking. Others hovered around him, attempting to get in the conversation. Sometimes, not a word was spoken, but rather it seemed they were just relishing in being close to this famous person.

Why do we find celebrity so enthralling? My daughter suggested perhaps we think celebrities are somehow more important than “other people” and by connecting with them in someway, it helps us get a better standing with our friends. I thought there was a lot of wisdom in that comment. Perhaps in being close to someone we deem “important,” helps us feel like we are also important.

Celebrities tend to be very visible. They are on TV, the big screen or on our IPOD. However, there are numerous people in the world that are invisible. We do not see them, and often times, if we are honest with ourselves, we do not even look for them. We walk past them, not making eye contact. Maybe we do not drive down a certain street, in a certain neighborhood, so as to avoid “those people.” Perhaps when we encounter those that are different from us, in a way that makes us feel uncomfortable we may even pass by them as they “lay at the side of the road.”

If we, as a society, love to be close to celebrity because it helps boost our perceived level of importance, what does that say when we make a choice to not be close to other groups of people? Why do we not engage with people who are different from us? What does it do to our “level of importance” to hang out with the folks who may be at a different economic level than us? Or, a different ethnic background? Maybe they express their faith in a way that is very different from ours.

So, what could happen if I made a more focused effort to look past the “other” in the crowd, and began to look to see who they really are, not just the outward package? I wonder what would happen if I stopped thinking about the things that divide me from others, and make a better effort to see people for who they are, not how they might impact my “level of importance?” What would happen if I concerned myself less about my “social status,” and more concerned about the people around me?

I agree, there surely is something of the sacred on a golf course….

"Go Away"

Here is a little something from one of my favorite artists...

You can check more out at: http://alitat-thecatinthecardboardbox.blogspot.com/

Have a great day on the porch!

Summer softball - part 2

Minnesotans are known for “Minnesota nice,” which is a cultural trait that basically says, “always be nice…even if through gritted teeth.” Sitting in the stands, you could feel the tension in the air. The critical fan was having a wonderful time…the rest of the fans…well, not so much. Even less so, the players. Personally, I do not excel in the area of dealing with conflict. In fact, I usually would rather avoid it. However, I have learned that avoiding conflict does not make it go away. It simply gets shoved under a rug, so I can trip over it at a later time. I did not feel like I had a handy tool to stop this harassment, so I was thinking about how best to handle it. While I was thinking…one of the dad’s was doing. He made a kind and respectful comment questioning the reason for “being so tough on that player.” As it turns out, the critical fan was the older sister of the player. Both she and the mom shared about how lucky the player was to have a sister who would “tell her the truth.” It was evident to all, expect our critical fan, that a key factor had been forgotten, that was the inclusion of love.
How do we make the act of gracious living, of living out love, part of our lives? Do we shout encouragement to each other as we are “playing” the game of life? Author Joseph Bush states, ““Veracity (truth) can…be a matter of living true in relationship with one another and of being true in relationship to the story of our faith.” Does our story of faith impact how we might relate with others? Over the next few posts, I would like to explore what gracious living might look like in life and how our own faith story may impact how we are with each other.
The second part of the double header was a downward acceleration for the home team. Soon they were 8 runs behind. The team continued the errors, the critical fan continued the onslaught, although thankfully at a lower volume. Toward the end of the game, the fan gave up and went off to watch another game. Something interesting happened toward the end of this story. As soon as the fan left, the other fans seemed to sense the lack of tension. They returned to their encouragement of the players and the home team loaded the bases and scored two runs. While they did not score enough to win, it was a clear picture to those watching, the power of our words on others.

Lessons from summer softball

Last night was a perfect summer night for softball. Beautiful blue sky, warm temperatures that cooled slightly as the sun went down. Local rival teams played a double header. One team (the visiting team) perennially loses to the other team, (the home team) however tonight was different. About half way through the first game, the home team was being out matched by the underdogs. Most likely not used to being on the losing side, the girl’s faces started to drop. The first game was tight, ending in a one run difference. Unable to shake off the errors, they simply could not get their groove back.

What I noticed last night, was less about what happened on the playing field and more about what was happening in the stands. Fans loaded both sides of the field, cheering and encouraging each player. About half way through the first game, there was a distinctly loud voice behind me. The fan was convinced that the home team was not doing enough and simply not trying. Perhaps some of this was true. After all this was one of their first losses of the year. They had obviously started to get down about the entire situation, not yet having learned the process of working through these sort of things. The fan began a tirade against the team, with special attention given to one player in particular, the catcher. The louder this fan grew, the quieter the rest of the fans became. She ranted about the inability of the catcher to play her position, and to get out of the slump. The louder the critic, the more errors occurred. The more errors, the more insults, and the more silence from the fans. The negative seemed to silence the positive... (more tomorrow)